May 2nd, 2010 | Sunday
I was just speaking to my neighbor who is scheduled for execution a week before I am. He says that it is over for him and he was asking about my thoughts of the afterlife. Honestly speaking I have my two feet firmly set in this life and am not ready to give up on myself yet. I entertained his conversation though because eventually death is just as certain as taxes.
So the Afterlife… God. Heaven? Nirvana? Home. Who can be sure where we go? We talked about near death experiences. He told me of having been in an auto accident and that he was medically dead for 5 minutes. He says that he felt safe where he was and did not want to come back but was forced to. I don’t understand why he has an ugly feeling in the pit of his stomach if he experienced such a profound calmness that he was forced from. I told him that. He says that he has become attached to this world again. Of this I can understand. I came close to being executed before and I recall the acceptance that I felt which gave me great relief in the face of death. It was more than religion. It was God’s will itself holding me steady. I did not make it to the afterlife, obviously, and am really happy about that. I can tell you about a man I met a month after my arrival on death row. I was let out into a large recreation area among other men however next to this large recreation area was a smaller cage. In that smaller recreation area was a man who was scheduled to be executed that night. I walked past and he called me so I stopped to speak with him. I had not known that he was to be executed that night. I recall the glossy look in his eyes as he spoke of his pending death. I thought that he was deranged when he told me that for years he had wondered about the afterlife. He said that on this night he would finally find out. His curiosity got a grip of me and he knew because he looked at me and said that if I wanted to know, at 6:00Pm when his execution was taking place for me to turn off my radio and to look around me for a sign. He said if there was any way that he could communicate with me, he would. That night I sat and concentrated on everything around me. Nothing happened. No screeching or sounds of chains. No cup tipping over or the toilet flushing on it’s own. Nothing.
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